Big God

An old friend of Dave's from high school shared my blog with a few of her friends whom I don't know personally.
I was deeply moved.
One of them wrote her and cc'ed us, that God has placed Tikva on her heart and she will be praying for us.
And she wrote: "We serve a big God and He is good all the time."

I love the idea of God being big... it reminds me of that quote from the Orthodox preschool that said:
"Don't tell God how big your problems are. Rather, tell your problems how big your God is."
It makes me think of God's giant palm where I can rest.
It makes me feel small, but not powerless.
It just reminds me that I don't have to be in charge of everything, in control of much of anything.
It's humbling and comforting at the same time.
Reminds me that I am not alone.

I think this whole experience is making me comfortable to go to deeper spiritual places than I have ever felt comfortable going to.
You could say I'm finding my religion, except I'm not a big fan of the word religion because of all its negative connotations.
But then again, I had a hard time with the word "God" for many years too, and that doesn't seem to be an issue anymore.
I used to use words like Godness, The Universe... and I still use words like The Source and Essential Energy.
I don't like to get wrapped up in semantics, because it really is all the same thing - this idea that we are all connected to something bigger than us, and to each other.

Sometimes I think about my Grandma Ala who survived the Holocaust, and all those people who survived for one reason or another - faith, a fighting spirit, chance, circumstances beyond their control, the help of others, who knows what.
I wonder if I would've survived or perished - sometimes I've even wondered if I was someone who went through that and didn't survive, and now I'm back, surviving.
I am not a fan these days of being told how strong I am, or how much I am a survivor - and yet it's something I am able to connect to.
I look at the scars from my shingles on my chest and back and left arm, and I marvel that I got through that amount of excruciating pain without medication, and while pregnant, and while living in Jerusalem.
I think I would have been like my grandmother - strong, resilient, resourceful, a survivor.

Dahlia's middle name is Aloisia, after my Grandma Ala.
Tikva's middle name will be Ahrona, after Dave's Poppa Aron, who was also a survivor.
If we have anything in both of our families, it is a strong fighting spirit.
I know our children have it too.

(We decided that Tikva’s middle name will actually be Ahava – which means Love.)