Interesting Diet, Gal...

I'm unbelievably exhausted and could sleep all day.
I get itchy a bit right around evening time.
I'm less nauseous these past few days than I have been the past few weeks.
And I am hungry for the strangest things.

Today I indulged in a craving I've had for several days for a candy bar.
I'm not talking, mind you, about any fancy kind of chocolate or delicate pastry.
I'm talking good old fashioned American crap chocolate candy bar, Snickers specifically.
Unfortunately when I went on my hunt to nearby makolets late this afternoon, I couldn't find a Snickers.
So I got a Twix bar, because I didn't want something that would just be chewy, but something that was also crunchy.
It was very satisfying, though I'm going to have to satisfy the Snickers craving soon.

Sweet works for me, and even tends to settle my stomach.
I think it also gives me a needed energy boost, at least for a little while.
Bread really works for me, and anything bready like pasta.
Salad is my vegetable source, because most anything else that is healthy sounds awful.
And I can't stomach the idea of falafel right now, though shawerma and anything with red meat sounds good.
I'm dying for fresh Vietnamese spring rolls, but I haven't found any yet.
I'd probably have an easier time in Tel Aviv.
Granola with yogurt works well, too, but at times the dairy doesn't feel that great.
Last week I had a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato craving, so that's what Dahlia and I ate for dinner... lucky us.

We have a refrigerator full of food and I don't feel incredibly (at all, for that matter) inspired to cook any of it.
Dave is being very patient with me, and has been doing a lot of dishes lately, because even those sit in the sink and when I pass them I just get tired.
The OB-GYN said not to worry about prenatal vitamins until I get past the nausea, and just to take folic acid.
Even my herbal infusion is too much to stomach right now, along with flat water.
I've been buying a lot of soda water lately.
Ooh, matza ball chicken soup sounds really good right now... but I haven't found any Jewish deli food here, surprisingly.
I guess that's more of a New York thing.

The little blueberry is experiencing an interesting variety of foods and sweets right now.
Bear with me, little one, I promise I will nourish you with much more California health consciousness soon, hopefully in about 6 weeks.
Then I can share the news with friends here, too, and they won't all be wondering why I'm so consistently exhausted all the time.

Heartbeat

I went to my ultrasound a few days ago.
All in Hebrew.
Luckily I know how to say, "Everything all right?" in Hebrew...
Ha kol beseder!
Indeed, everything is going great.
Baby is in my uterus.
Baby is exactly the size s/he's supposed to be (they said 7 weeks and 4 days).
And baby already has a strong heartbeat, which I was able to hear.
I got tears in my eyes.
The doctor was right, it really does help you connect to your little fetus.

This is a different pregnancy than with Dahlia, especially because now I have Dahlia in my life and in my heart.
She fills so much of my heart, especially right now when she clearly needs me and Dave so much.
And she needs so much from me, even when I am completely comatose on the couch, unable to move.
I'm already a mom, and this will be my second child.
So welcome and already loved, yet this one will never be an only child like Dahlia is now.
It's interesting.
Dahlia is going to be a great big sister, and they are going to be very good friends, I already know.

Blueberry

Seven weeks pregnant; baby is the size of a blueberry.

This week I experienced my first visit with an Israeli OB-GYN.
They all seem to be male, but I can handle that - I grew up going to a male OB-GYN, though he was very different, a lot more California, and worked for many years promoting natural and home childbirth.
Dr. Foss, I think, is British originally, and I could tell I was among the funkier people he's encountered.
I am going to be myself through this experience, though - all experiences during this year abroad and beyond.
It was a quick appointment, he basically just got my basic reproductive info, asked what tests I might want to get, the usual.

Funny, but since I'm 4 years older than I was when I carried Dahlia, I'm inclined to do a bit more testing.
Not too much more, but maybe an extra ultrasound.
I actually want to get an ultrasound next week, just to confirm that my pregnancy is normal, and not ectopic.
Just because I've had some cramping on the right side on and off.
I think it's just gas and constipation, because that's when I seem to notice it.
But just to be sure.

Last night on the phone, Laurie reminded me that my body miscarrying last pregnancy was actually confirmation that it did exactly what was needed, and was working well.
It's easy to get caught up in, "Something went wrong last time," and approach this pregnancy with more fear.
But there is no reason to.
I'm just 36, and even though that feels old right now for some reason, I know it isn't.
I know a lot of women in their late 30s and 40s who have had healthy pregnancies and babies.
I know I will too - I know I am having a healthy pregnancy.

Shabbat Shalom, Blueberry.

So Busy Inside

There is a lot going on inside my body.
I can just feel it.
Hormonal fluctuations affirmed by nausea, which I welcome even though I have always hated the feeling of nausea.
It's all a good sign that the HCG hormone is increasing exponentially with each day as it should be.
Despite the queasiness, I have a good appetite, especially for bread and chocolate. :)
I have a pot of coconut curry sweet potato fennel soup simmering on the stove (baby should know early of the joys of coconut).
Nourishing things... I'm not craving meat much right now, though I did make a delicious chicken on Shabbat.
I'm sleeping a lot, needing that.
And yet keeping up, including grocery shopping today and three trips up the stairs to bring everything inside.
Didn't make it to the shuk, though... that's feeling like too much of a shlep right now, more like a once a month excursion.
There is a lot of stretching going on inside, that's what I feel a lot.
No cramping, but definitely fullness.
My body is working so well, thriving, healthy and strong.
I take a walk somewhere almost every day, which feels good.
I look forward to sharing the news with our families soon.

Cocoon

Sometime last week I was making my infusion of healthy pregnancy herbs.
One of the ingredients to support my liver and prevent itching is dandelion root - literally a bunch of sticks.
I opened the bag of sticks and 3 little moths flew out.
EW! I yelled, and poured all the sticks into a salad bowl.
I went through each and every stick, and a few more moths flew away.
On two of them, I found two tiny little moth cocoons.
I told Dave and asked him if he thought it was safe to salvage some of the sticks and use them for my infusion.
He said to me, "Well, I look for signs in everything, and if you ask me, finding cocoons on your pregnancy herbs is pretty auspicious."
Thanks to my deeply spiritual husband for helping me to see the God in everything.

Praying

Six weeks pregnant; baby is the size of a lentil.

Sometime last week the twinging I'd been feeling on an off since right when my period was due - on the right side of my lower abdomen - was starting to feel like cramping. That made me nervous, and I worried that I could be having an ectopic or tubal pregnancy. At times it felt like gas cramps, and at times it just felt like a dull cramp that sometimes radiated to my lower back. Not intense in any way, but dull and consistent. It was just making me nervous - probably more so because a miscarriage is now in my past experience. I don't know that I would've thought much about it if it had been my first pregnancy.

By Friday night I was stressed out, and at one point in the kitchen Dave took me into his arms after I yelled at Dahlia and said, "Oh sweetie, you're stressed out about this, aren't you." He held me for a really long time and I let myself cry. That night I put myself to bed and I took out something from my bedside drawer - a very old embroidered pouch that held Buddhist prayer beads. My friend Ani Pelma, who is a Tibetan Buddhist nun originally from Barbados, and a very special soul, gave them to me many years ago. I think she told me she'd gotten them from her teacher. Very special. They smell amazing, like they've been sitting in an ancient temple absorbing the scents of incense for centuries. I lay in bed on my back, and I put the prayer beeds on my belly, and I began to move them along the strand - all 108 beads - asking God for...

... a healthy pregnancy
... a sustained pregnancy
... a complete pregnancy
... a healthy birth
... a healthy baby
... the cramping to go away so that I would stop worrying

Then I fell asleep and had a very scary dream, but fortunately not one related to babies. But you know what, I woke up and the cramping I'd had for about 4-5 days was gone, and it's still gone today. Even yesterday when I was gassy and full from a big Shabbat dinner followed by a big Shabbat lunch, I felt fine. And I'm still happily nauseous - nausea = everything working as it should and the hormones are busy multiplying.

On Wednesday I have my first Israeli OB-GYN appointment, and I'll mention the cramps to the doctor. I may choose to have an ultrasound, just to confirm that everything is okay. Or if he tells me it's not necessary, I'll wait and have my one ultrasound (hopefully) mid-pregnancy. And just continue to trust that everything is working exactly as it's supposed to and that baby is growing healthy and strong.

Happily Queasy

Five weeks pregnant; baby is the size of a sesame seed.

I told Dave this morning that I felt nauseous and he said, "Good!"
I wasn't queasy during my last pregnancy until three days before I miscarried.
I was definitely queasy with Dahlia, starting right around now for at least 2.5 months.
So I agree with him that it's a good sign that everything is working as it should.
Last night I woke up a zillion times and felt itchy... more hormonal stuff going on.
And probably also because I had a dairy-fest day yesterday after going to the cheese guy at the shuk.
And I am TIRED.
And today I had a turkey sandwich, one of my first craved foods during my pregnancy with Dahlia.
It was divinely dripping with mayo, and the wheat roll and turkey were hot. Yum.
When I get to my next craving phase - which with Dahlia was burritos - I think I'm going to have a harder time tracking one down. Maybe I'll skip burritos and try something new.

Pregnant!

I had to pee so bad when we got home from our trip on Friday night.
We got off the bus at the central bus station in the middle of Jerusalem around 6pm, after 2.5 hours with no bathroom.
Since it was Shabbat, it took a while to find a cab. Luckily with less traffic, he got us home pretty fast.
Dahlia had to pee too, so I let her go first.
Then I sat down, opened my pregnancy test, and happily emptied my bladder on the little test strip.
It took about 10 seconds for the two lines to show.

POSITIVE! (Smile)

I've been pregnant for about 3.5 weeks, which makes me 5.5 weeks pregnant.
Today I walked across town to get my hair cut, and I smiled at the thought that for the next 35 weeks, I will have someone accompanying me wherever I go. And for quite a while after that, that little person will be attached to me and my boobs for most of the day.

Now I get to eat a lot more falafel, a surefire way to fatten up.

I don't think anyone reads this blog anymore, but I'm going to keep writing so I have a place to share my experience until enough weeks have passed and we can share the news.

It looks like we will be staying in Israel through June, because this little one is due in early June. A fellow Gemini.

I feel incredibly blessed that I am pregnant this month, because I would've had a baby in just a few weeks if I hadn't miscarried. I think it will make October 28th pass with a little less sadness. Thank you, little one, for this blessing. I am delighted I get to nourish you, birth you, feed you, hold you, and help you grow into you.

Why Worry?

For the past 4 days or so, I had a little cramping on the right side of my uterus. Affirming that sojmething is going on in there. Then I got worried it might be a bad sign - ectopic pregnancy or something. Dave reminded me that this is a time to be excited. Today I've had no cramping, just the same tiredness of that first trimester. I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, but I want to take a pregnancy test when we get home.