Moments of Serenity

On Friday morning, after a long few weeks, after several days of searching from our souls, hearts and intuitions for the "right" answer for our family, I called UCSF and told them that we would not be doing the prenatal surgery.
It wasn't an easy decision, because no matter how much information we gathered from the most top people in each department at UCSF, it really had to come from a much more heart and gut based place.
Because the surgery is so new that they just don't have the numbers to guide you in one way or the other.
They have done only two surgeries in the exact way they are currently doing them, and that is just not enough to tell us what to do.
What kept coming up for me was the almost guaranteed chance of pre-term labor if we did the surgery.
I feel that Tikva needs to stay inside me as long as possible to give her the best chance once she is born.
I have to trust my intuition, and I do.
And Dave trusts my intuition and he trusts his.

In any case, what we heard the most from the doctors and nurses is that there is no wrong decision.
And that when it comes down to it, you have to make the decision from a place other than your head.
And then you can't second-guess yourself, because really, they just don't know why one child will fare better than another with the exact same condition.
Sometimes it's much bigger than what medicine can explain...

So we made the decision that brought us - all four of us - the most peace and calm possible under the circumstances.
And once we had made it, we both slept very well the night before we called UCSF.
And I felt lighter the next day.

Now that such a difficult decision is behind us, we can move on to all that continues ahead of us.
Most importantly: Nurturing my pregnancy and myself to give Tikva the fuel she will need in 11-12 weeks' time; moving into our home in San Francisco; and continuing to nurture our family throughout this complex adventure.