It's been five months since Tikva died... almost to the minute.
Five months.
Long time
Short time
The date crept up on me today,
Midmorning while I was at work
And realized all of a sudden that it was the 7th.
No wonder I cried on my way to work this morning
And sat in my car for a while as the tears ran down,
Watching two seagulls flying in the sky
To the classical music on the radio.
I went to the mikva tonight
For the first time since before my second pregnancy
A little less than two years ago.
So strange how time moves,
How much has happened in two years.
I'll write more tomorrow.
I'm tired now and need to get some sleep.
Five months...
So strange how time moves.
The Story of Tikva... and the Journey of My Second and Third Pregnancies
Bookends: The Story of Tikva Ahava
The mighty wondrous story of Tikva begins with my post from January 25, 2008, Tikva. Tikva Ahava means Hope Love in Hebrew. Her incredible journey through our world concludes in my post from August 8, 2008, A Breath of Fresh Air... My own journey continues as I am awakened daily to all that Tikva teaches me.
My Sweet Baby Girl
Tikva Touching Mama's Heart
Tikva & Lambie on the Swing
My Kindred Spirit
Forever Family
Receiving blessings from our community, May 3, 2008
Tikva in the Sand in Australia
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED TEAM TIKVA IN THE MARCH FOR BABIES. OUR TEAM WALKED 6.25 MILES TOGETHER AND RAISED OVER $6,000 FOR THE MARCH OF DIMES!
Love, Thoughts and Prayers (Updated 12/04/09)
If you scroll down to the very bottom of this page, you'll find a list of people in need of loving thoughts and prayers of hope. I will note the date of the latest update here. Please visit this section regularly and share your love and hope.
The most recently updated or added requests will go at the top, but all of them are important, so please scroll down to see them all.
In the words of my sweet husband, "We are all made of the same stuff as sunshine," and we are all one, in this together. Thank you for extending your hearts in infinite ways.
You'll notice that some people I had listed before are no longer here. This is because I have added the links to their blogs under "Words About Loving, Losing and Healing" so you can check in with them directly. Or it's because they no longer need our prayers.
About Me
Glow in the Woods
Speaking of love...
Special Links
- To Write Their Names in the Sand
- Centering - Resources for Loss & Healing
- A Small Victory
- Whispered Support
- Stirrup Queen's Blogroll
- Babyloss Blog Directory
- String of Pearls
- Bridges
- Exhale
- Kota Press
- Capturing A Short Life (A Documentary)
- Butterfly Haven
- The Birth Survey
- Beauty in the Breakdown
- Share - Pregnancy & Infant Loss
- Miss Foundation
- Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day - October 15th
- Motherhood Lost
- Breath of Hope
- Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia - UCSF
- Philadelphia Children's Hospital - Diaphragmatic Hernia Info
- Donating to UCSF
- UCSF Kids 'n' Moms Foundation
- March of Dimes - Babies in the NICU
Making Change
Special People Needing Special Prayers: Thank you for holding them in your hearts.
- "Faith is not knowledge of what the Mystery of the Universe is, but the conviction that there is a mystery and that it is greater than us." (Rabbi David Wolfe-Blank)
- 12/4/09: Please hold Dana-Lee in your prayers and help shower her with love. She is courageously battling Hodgkin's Lymphoma and is now doing radiation after 12 rounds of chemotherapy. She is a mighty being filled with love.
- 12/4/09: June is responding really well to treatment for non-smoker's lung cancer. Her tumors have reduced in size a great deal, but she is not out of the woods. Thank you for holding her close.
- 12/4/09: Little Carly continues to grow and heal from her brain surgery, but is experiencing seizures on a daily basis. Please keep sending her love and good vibes.
- 12/4/09: Please send your love and prayers to this little one who continues to need them right now: http://maddiegorman.wordpress.com/
- 12/4/09: Stacy Raye is doing much better, but is still undergoing treatment for non-smoker's lung cancer. Please keep holding 48 year old Stacy in your thoughts. http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/611315/
- 2/11: Please hold Rabbi Michael Lerner in your hearts tomorrow (2/12) as he has surgery related to his recent diagnosis of lung cancer (he is a non-smoker). Lerner is a leader in the Jewish Renewal movement here in San Francisco and worldwide.
- 1/27 Update: The doctors recently found cancer in Toney's liver and reproductive organs. They are going to do nothing for 3 months and then have another CT scan to see if there is any growth. There is a good chance it can be very slow growing, which is what we are praying for at this point. The type of cancer he has is untreatable. It is very rare and his family does not have all the answers yet. Because of where the cancer is they cannot do radiation because of the damage it would cause to his internal organs. So for now, he and his family live life each day with hope for the future. Thanks for all of the prayers. Please keep them coming. Toney and Kat are amazing people to say the least.
- 1/27: Please pray for little Arlie Mae, who was born just a few months ago. Arlie will be having open heart surgery on Wednesday, the 28th to repair the two holes in her heart. On 1/24 she was admitted to UCSF to keep her hydrated and fed, since she has not been eating enough. Please visualize her well, healed, and eating normally after a successful surgery. Arlie Mae's family is confident that the surgery will go perfectly, as the surgeon there is amazing...she is in the BEST hands. Send as many prayers, light, love, and healing energy as you have for her, she and her family - Sarah and Kevin - need it! Thank you.
- 1/26: A precious eight year old girl named Sophia is in need of our love and prayers. She was born with a hard to diagnose condition that is somewhat similar to cerebral palsy. In the past year, her health has been especially challenged and now she is in the hospital again. She continues to have more frequent spells where she can't breathe as well as seizures that go with it. They are trying to figure out if the trachial malatia (Tikva also had malatia) is causing the seizures or vice versa. She may be in for a couple of weeks while they do things to her. They are trying to decide also whether or not to give her a permanent tracheostomy so that she can breathe. She already has a stomach tube and is eight years old and weighs about 25 pounds. In spite of it all, she is an angel. She is cheerful and has the most impish smile. Please pray for Sophia's continued strength and good spirit, for her mom Celia, her dad, and Sophia's twin sister and older brother. Thank you.
- Jeanette is courageously facing pancreatic cancer and bi-weekly chemotherapy treatments. Please add her and her family to your prayers. She is a very special and loving woman who has spent her life sharing her love and care with others.
- PEOPLE WE'VE PRAYED FOR IN THE PAST: Korrine Croghan (returned to God's arms); Mary Kay (benign ovarian tumor); Richard Katz (successful bypass surgery); Baby Harper (at home and doing well with her family); Char (now held by angels); Christabel (whose cancer went into remission); Desmond (who is home with his family and is breathing on his own); sweet Ann (who left our us peacefully on May 9, 2009); Cocoa the dog who is back home with her family.
12 comments:
Sending you love Gal. I hope that going to the Mikva was a peaceful time for you. Wishing you gentle dreams tonight.
Love Carly x
Sigh. If you are at five weeks, that means I'm not far behind you. Time is so strange these days. Moves quickly and slowly. Quickly when I want it to go fast and slowly when I want it to hurry up. Sigh again xoxo
Thinking of you and Tikva, Gal!
ugh, five months i mean. i need sleep.
Time is a funny thing. The subconscious gets that it's an anniversary, even before the conscious mind realizes it. I've had that experience, too.
Time can be both a friend and an enemy. But it is also a healer.
In time.
Sending love and warm hugs to you, Dave, Dahlia, Ivo and the family. And to all who have lost children.
Holding you, Dave, Dahlia and Tikva close today. xoxo
Strange, indeed. It's been 2 years since my third pregnancy, which resulted in a miscarriage and d&c. AT this exact moment 2 years ago, I was in the throes of grief - awful, desperate, painful grief as a result of how things ended. I can't believe so much time has passed, I can't believe what has happened in these 2 years.
As for 5 months: I'm so sorry, Gal. The only month I actually forgot the anniversary was month 11, because I was so focused on the one year anniversary. Sometimes, I think it gets harder, but maybe it's because the intensity of the emotion is not as pervasive as it was in the beginning, at least now, it is broken up by moments of hope and expecation. But I always seem to return to the sadness and longing. Always.
Holding you and Tikva close to my heart. XO.
It is strange how the monthly anniversary can creep up on us. My body always knows when the 17th is here even when I don't know the date. I have recently passed the one year mark. I was amazed how quickly and slowly that year went. Hope you got the rest you needed, grief is so exhausting.
These are not the milestones we wanted. Thinking of you, sending you love, and wishing you rest and peace.
sending you love and hugs today and always.
I also had these days, especially in the first year, when I felt anxious for no reason I could discern until, hours later, I realized it was this day or that...
Time flows funny since, and colors the time before...
Some day I'd like to talk to you about mikva. People keep trying to get me to go, and I am somewhat hung up on history and baggage.
How odd, how moving, the similarlities in these months for us. I have read this entry several times and I can only respond with silence in honor of your beautiful tiny daughter.
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