Tomorrow I will try not to raise my voice at Dahlia, even when she yells at me.It's hard to care for your living child when your other child has died.
Yes, I know how lucky I am to have a living child.
That doesn't take away from the loss of Tikva.
Tomorrow I will try to get more comfortable with the fears that are coming up inside, listen to what they need me to hear.
It's not easy to calmly embrace the possibility of a third child when your second child has died.
Tikva's journey already has an impact on her future sibling's destiny.
They are already connected in a profound way.
Tomorrow I will see if there is a way to not feel like a different person when I am at work.
It's strange to be surrounded by people who have no idea I carry a huge hole in my heart.
How is it that they can't see even a hint of it?
Am I hiding it?
Tomorrow I will trust my body's ability to be strong, healthy, and a safe place for gestation.
I notice myself starting to worry about every little thing I eat,
Whether I should use the microwave at work,
What it means that my skin is zitty after my period.
I know when I worry like this, it means fear is coming up.
Tomorrow I will simply notice...
All that comes
Without trying to fix it, resolve it,
Conveniently wrap it all up.
Just notice
Gently.
9 comments:
we see the hole, and we're here to try and patch it up for you. not all of it, because that's not possible, but all the little bits and pieces that will fit back together, bit by bit. slowly.
thinking of you lovely gal xo
They don't see the hole because they are more in awe of the light that surrounds you Gal. I haven't even met you and I can tell you bring light to every place you visit.
I will pray that tomorrow you can see that light in yourself.
Sending you love
Carly x
It's so hard to have faith in ourselves, isn't it, after losing our little ones? I think we all can use these affirmations. xoxo
An invisible hole - that is our grief, isn't it?
Your affirmations are gorgeous. You are such a beautiful person. Sorry I've been absent for a few days.
I think I could use these same affirmations, Gal. It's hard to give them power when I've given grief and fear and sadness power for so long. But, I'll try.
XO.
I guess we choose each day what it is we are going to give power to...
These are beautiful - the people at work know about the hold in me, but I think it's easier for them to pretend it isn't there. Some days it's easier for me, too, but those are usually the bad days.
Wishing you your tomorrow.
I could never really fully trust my body-- I had to keep keeping an eye on it. But that was exhausting. If you can really trust it, let it go, well, that's a big and impressive accomplishment.
It's hard to be around people knowing that they don't know about the huge hole in your heart and the emptiness that comes with it. It's even harder to say yes, I am ready to do this again knowing all that we know this time. I hope you find the faith in your body that you are looking for.
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