An Apple a Day

15 weeks pregnant; Baby is the size of an apple - 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighing about 2 1/2 ounces.

My tummy is still small, but definitely there.
Especially when I relax my tendency to suck it in all the time.
My uterus is rising and feels firm when I touch it.
My appetite is good and I am eating a lot.
I think when I was pregnant with Dahlia, I started off heavier pre-pregnancy.
About 3-4 weeks after starting to nurse her, I dropped down to below my pre-pregnancy weight.
Haven't really gained much since, so now I need to really make sure I do.
It's hard for me to gain weight, I had to be aware of this when I carried Dahlia.
Baby always gets exactly what s/he needs, but I need to make sure that I do too.
Not just while I'm pregnant, but afterwards so I can feel vital and strong and able to nurse without depleting my reserves.
I know that it is a lot of work to nurse a baby, and to do it all with very little sleep.

I'm still feeling pain and not sleeping great, but it's feeling a little easier to put on clothes over my raw skin.
Sunday morning, the start of a new week here, I am going on my first morning walk.
As long as it's not raining, I am going to do it every day for at least 30-60 minutes.
Breathe fresh air, move my body, get my heart going, rock the baby in my womb, and clear my busy mind before starting the part of my day usually spent sitting at the computer.
It's time to make a change, and to use this challenge as an opportunity to really get healthy and stay that way.
To have a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy postpartum.
My acupuncturist back home said that a pregnancy can be an opportunity to harness energy and come out even stronger.
That is my hope and my desire, my goal.

Today we are meeting the midwife, and I will write about that afterwards.
I hope it will work out with her, because my desire to have my baby outside of the hospital is even stronger.
A pregnant friend told me about her experience visiting one of the Hadassah hospitals here, and it actually sounds pretty amazing for a hospital birth scenario.
Lots of freedom, private space, low intervention - they seem to respect their laboring mothers.
I read her description and asked myself, "Could this work for me?"
Then I closed my eyes and imagined it, and I couldn't see or feel myself there.
It's still a hospital, and I only want a hospital in my experience as an emergency backup, not as my birth place of choice.
At the end of the day when I've birthed my baby and it's late at night, I want my baby to sleep by my side, nestled in between me, Dave and Dahlia.
Not in a nursery with other babies.
I want us all to be there together from the beginning.
I want warmth and comfort and safety and familiarity - as much familiarity as I can have here, far away from the familiar.
I'm starting to connect with the birthing world here, and it is all delightfully interlinked.
I've talked to two doulas who know the midwife.
I will soon be talking to a woman who has birthed her 4 children at home.
People might look at me strange when I say I'm not planning to have my baby in the hospital, but I know that I am not alone here.
My vision and desire are clear - for me, for Baby, and for our family.