Hard Working Body

My body is working really hard right now.
I am perpetually hungry, eating probably 6-8 times a day.
When I'm stressed or feeling really crappy, I lose my appetite.
But when I'm healing, and when I'm growing a baby, my body needs the nourishment of good food.
And that includes a good piece of salty-sweet milk chocolate every day, usually mid-morning.
No matter what anyone says, chocolate is good for my soul, and therefore good for my body.
I spent 4 formative childhood years in France, and there I ate a lot of chocolate.
My love of chocolate, my need for it at times, will never go away.

I'm worlds better than I was a few weeks ago, but I feel like my shingles has hit a wall.
I'm still sleeping like crap, which makes me float through the days in a bit of a daze.
Dozing off on the couch in the middle of the day - while that sounds lovely - causes my elbow to cramp up.
I'm better sitting up or walking, getting the blood circulating through the nerves that are so tender and sore from all they've been through.
I'm going to see the homeopath tomorrow, and she may give me a new remedy for this next stage.
This morning Dave said he wishes he'd taken photos of my blisters.
No way... that was probably the grossest thing my body's ever done, and I'd prefer to obliterate it from my memory forever (though I have a feeling I will never quite forget it).
I have no idea if they are going to leave scars... the skin is taking a good while to heal completely, and it's very pink now.
A few scabs are still healing over, mostly around where the nerve pain remains - in my shoulder blade, elbow and armpit.

Meanwhile my belly grows.
I'm still pretty small, but I think it's because I'm starting off weighing less than before I got pregnant with Dahlia.
I'm eating a ton of dairy, which seems to be my norm during pregnancy.
And over the last 5 days I've had lentil soup or lentil daal every single day.
Funny, but I am craving meat much less now that my colitis is gone.
Lentils feel great, and so do root vegetables - it's almost winter, and those are winter foods.
Occasionally we'll have chicken or livers or fish, and a few times a week I'll have eggs.
But mostly my animal products come in the form of the most delicious and expensive hard cheddar cheese we found at the shuk, and sheep yogurt that is to die for.
We bought a pound of cheddar last week and we're almost through it.
It's our luxury item, along with maple syrup, which sells for $9 for a small bottle.
I'm looking forward to my first Trader Joe's shopping spree in Cincinnati...

Tomorrow I start a prenatal yoga class at the YMCA a few minutes away.
On Sunday I am meeting another homebirth midwife named Joyce.
She lives just outside Jerusalem, but comes into the city once a week.
That means she would be able to see me for my monthly prenatal appointments in my home, whereas with the other midwife, Ilana, I'd have to get to her moshav an hour away.
Ilana's birthing cabin is adorable and would be a great place to birth, but it's not ideal for us for one very important reason: Dahlia.
It is very important to both of us that Dahlia be there for the birth of her sibling.
And as Ilana reminded us, it's also very important for me to have the quiet and space to get into my zone in order to have a successful labor.
We need more space in order to accommodate both, and Dahlia is going to need a caregiver to give her all she needs during the birth.
So I am going to birth at home, and that means finding a new home for that time.
I mid-May, we'll get a sublet for 6-8 weeks where we can have the baby and enjoy quiet during our final chunk of time in Jerusalem.
We'll get a place in a nice, quiet, and more neighborhoody part of town.
We'll get a place far from any construction, somewhere cozy but still close to Dahlia's school, where she'll be going through June.

Meeting and talking to midwives here has been interesting.
They are so different than the warm fuzzy midwives I know in the Bay Area.
Israelis have an edge, and warm fuzzy isn't quite the word I'd use for the general population.
And yet these are women who are committed to birth outside of hospitals, where apparently they are treated quite badly.
It sounds like most of them will not come with you to the hospital if you need to transport, because they know they will be mistreated and ignored, and possibly not even allowed in the room with you.
Birth is very medicalized in hospitals here.
A friend from the US who had her two children at home told me that, if I had transported with Dahlia here in Israel, they probably would've given me a c-section right away.
I feel incredibly lucky to have birthed her in the Bay Area.
I'm not anticipating a transport here, but it's important to be prepared for any possibility.
I am visualizing pushing my baby out, surrounded by Dave and Dahlia, in the warmth of June in a cozy home.

Dahlia is 100% positive that the baby is a boy.
I'm kind of feeling a boy right now too, but not with the sureness I held with Dahlia (who was, no doubt, going to be a boy).
It would be sweet to have a boy, and it would also be sweet to have another girl.
Yesterday Dahlia looked at me and my belly and said, "Mommy, I love your baby."
I said to her, "You know, it's your baby too. This baby is going to be our family's baby."
She's going to be an amazing big sister.

I looked down at my healing shingles blisters today, the still slightly raw skin that is pink against the olive complexion of the rest of my skin.
And I looked down at my belly.
And I thought, "Okay, I can push another baby out of this amazingly powerful body. It's going to be painful, but I guess I'm kind of used to pain at this point. When the time comes, I will be ready."
I pictured myself in labor, noticing a small scar from the shingles on my skin, reminded of my incredible strength, inspired to push out my baby in spite of the pain.
This may be my last pregnancy, I can't say for sure.
I know only that I am savoring it as much as I possibly can.
I look at Dahlia and I am amazed of the incredible being she creates out of herself every day.
I can't wait to meet this next little person forming right now inside me.
Keep growing healthy and strong, little one.