Tikva's Big Sister, Tikva's Mommy

Dave shot some video of Dahlia and me on the couch the other day.
(See February 8th, part VII.)
It was the morning Dave and I went to the Kotel to pray, and Dahlia was home from school with the bug she's had the past few days.
I was writing down my prayer, my message to my Baby Girl.
Dahlia sat next to me so sweetly, asking me what I was writing.
Opening my heart with the tiny gold key I am wearing on a chain these days.

It is a chain that used to belong to my mother, and on it is a small key, a tiny frame of Moses holding the Commandments with the Shma blessing on the back, and a Jewish star.
I usually wear the chain during holy times of the year - the 10 Days of Awe from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur, and the eight days of Passover.
The morning after the first ultrasound, I took it from my jewelry box and have worn it ever since.
This feels like a holy time.

I've watched this video several times.
Noticing the sweetness of Dahlia's little voice, her gentleness and sense that something important is happening.
Her desire for connection, her compassionate nature.
How grown up I look, how in my life I am.
A few expressions that I get from my mom, who doesn't even know anything is happening yet because we don't talk often enough and I haven't had it in me to let her know yet.

I watch it and think about what is ahead.
I wonder about how it is going to transform Dahlia's life forever.
I hear the name of Tikva coming out of her mouth so sweetly, her connection to her little sister already forming.
Perhaps, even, it formed years ago, when they were both still baby spirits deciding what parents they would choose and who would come first.
I witness in this little movie my connection to my four year old girl, and at the same time I witness my connection to the Baby Girl in my belly.
I wonder what lies ahead for Tikva, body and spirit.
I wonder what lies ahead for my own body and spirit.
I hear the sweet sadness in David's voice behind the camera.
He's right... This is it. This is where we're at.

My prayer right now is that one day when she's old enough, Tikva will read all that I've written in my blog.
That she will have a story - her story - to read and understand her beginning, and her family, a little better.
I've always looked forward to sharing all that I've written during my life with my children.
My prayer is that what I write here will be a gift I can one day give to Dahlia and to Tikva.
I hope that one day they will sit on a couch together and read it all and feel my love within my words.