Surgery Tuesday Afternoon

Tikva's surgery is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon at 4:30.
She's back on the conventional ventilator, so that her chest is not vibrating during the surgery.
The transition was a lot of work for her little body, and they are helping her get her numbers back to even.
Her spirit feels mighty, though I have to admit that it is hard to see her little body go through so many things in one day.

Without the vibrations of the oscillating ventilator, I could see and feel her strong healthy little heart beating in her chest - powerfully.
She gave me a lot of squeezes today, and every time I tried to move my finger out of her hand, she grasped tighter not letting me go.
Yah, we're tight, Tikva and I.
She communicates with me throughout the day.

It's been a draining day in the ICN, where time moves in a way unlike anywhere else.
It's hard to leave Tikva at the end of the day, though we know she is in amazing hands day and night.
And she knows - as I tell her a lot even though I probably don't need to - that when we're away, we're still in her heart and she is in ours.

I shed some tears today, as her Mama, because it's hard to see her little body go through it all.
Then I take a deep breath and remember that her spirit is strong, and that this is the journey she has chosen.
And we are on this journey together, because we've chosen each other.

Tomorrow, the day of her surgery, is my 37th birthday.
I can't think of a more special gift than a successful and smooth surgery, and the gift of a little girl able to breathe on her own.
I am holding that wish as I get ready to blow out my candles in the hospital waiting room tomorrow afternoon.

Please hold Tikva in the deepest of your prayers tonight and tomorrow and the days immediately after.
She has a lot of work ahead of her, and so do her doctors and nurses.
I truly believe she is deeply held by a hand that is so much bigger than any of us.
And I believe in the power of prayer and lit candles and the outpouring of love and hope that holds us.
I'm pretty sure Tikva feels it too, like arms holding her.
Thank you for all the love.