The Middle of a Flower

On Saturday we were surrounded by 60+ of the dearest people who hold us, at a sacred blessing for Tikva.
We gathered at our friend Jeffrey's beautiful loft space for the sweetest afternoon, and the four of us received the most beautiful blessings of hope, love, healing and strength.
Friends and family shared stories of hope, words of love, with such openness and clarity.
We sat and received, and boy did it feel good.
Tikva was doing flips in my belly the whole time, as if she were squealing with joy at just how good it felt to receive those delicious feelings.
At one point, our friend Jason invited David and Tikva and me into the middle of the circle, and asked everyone to close their eyes and send us healing and love.
David and I sat facing each other, his hands on my belly, and we felt it, deeply.

I felt like I was the heart of a flower - the part where all the pollen is, ripening - surrounded by the brightest, softest, most colorful petals that were all those who were holding us in that moment - at the gathering and beyond.
I can tell you this for sure: It is one beautiful and amazing flower...

Tikva inspires an incredible amount of hope all around her.
People kept reminding us of this.
This powerful little being is already doing some important work.
Her journey is profound, and I am confident that she knows she is held as she takes each step.
She is my little teacher already, reminding me to confront fear and uncertainty with grace and courage.
Reminding me to remain in the moment and not get ahead of myself.
Reminding me to be gentle with myself and all that is around me.
Encouraging me to have faith.

I have had two visions of her outside my belly, and I hold on to these when I get scared or feel despair.

The first:
For years, since before Dahlia was even conceived, I have held a vision of David's rabbinical school ordination.
In it, he is in his early-mid 40s and wearing a beautiful suit and his tallis.
(And yes, Babe, you still have some hair and it's not all gray.)
I feel incredible love and pride for him.
Sitting in the front row next to me are two little girls, about 4 years apart in age, both swinging their legs below their chairs, so proud of their Daddy.
Around us are family and friends, equally proud and smiling.

The second:
Tikva lies peaceful and warn in her little bed in the NICU.
Very much alive, strengthening with every day.
A mop of dark hair on her head.
I think her eyes are green.
Her chest rising and falling with the breaths she is able to take with the help of a breathing machine.
Her lungs growing inside her.
Natural light coming over her from the window nearby that overlooks the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge.
I add to that vision the colorful prayer flags that surround her little bed, with prayers and blessings of love written by our friends and family at Saturday's gathering.

I hold these visions in this present moment with my prayers of hope and faith.